So what do you want, really, really want from your one and only precious life? What do you want to manifest, attract or bring about? When it comes to the Law of Attraction or simply setting goals, the one thing I hear over and over again is this – you’ve got to get really, really clear on what it is you really, really want!
The Universe loves clarity, so if you’re sitting around with a head full of cloudy dreams hoping your life will improve, chances are this time next year you’ll be in exactly the same place you are now and little will have changed.
I first came across the Be Do Have exercise when I started training as a coach. It sounds pretty simple. Take a sheet of paper, write three headings – Be, Do and Have, and then start making a list of all the things you want to Be, all the things you want to Do and all the things you want to Have in your life.
You’re encouraged to keep adding to it over two or three days, to give your mind time to come up with your deeper desires and not give up at the more obvious answers that have probably been coded in by years of reading women’s magazines or watching too many episodes of Love Island.
But I’ve always had a problem with this exercise. My initial list tends to feels lacklustre, and rather than adding to it over time, I get more paralysed. I’m the same with vision boards – much as I believe in their power to help us manifest the life we want, I don’t go all kid-in-a-candy-shop when confronted with a pile of magazines and pair of scissors.
So what’s going on? Why, when I can Be, Do or Have anything I want, do I struggle with asking for it? For me, the issue is with the word WANT. When asked the simple question ‘What do I want’, my inner six-year-old hears the voice of my stern and stout primary school teacher booming the popular put-down of the 1970s, ‘I Want Doesn’t Get’!!
No doubt drilled into her by Victorian grandparents, she considered it the height of bad manners for a child to start a sentence with ‘I want’. Acceptable alternatives were ‘I would like’, or ‘May I have’, or any permutation of words that left the decision as to whether your wants would be met or accommodated, entirely in her hands.
So even now 50 years later, when I’m confronted with the ‘What do you want?’ question, I get immediate brain freeze. Whether it’s choosing a holiday, deciding on my dream car or designing a new kitchen, the concept of having what I WANT, as opposed to what’s practical, achievable or affordable with current resources, is always mitigated by my subconscious mind cackling away in the background and reminding me ‘I Want Doesn’t Get‘.
The time is long overdue for me to side-step my childhood conditioning and bypass my subconscious mind who seems to think Mrs Darwell is still running the show when it comes to my decisions. It’s time to release the shame of being considered so bold as to actually ASK for what I want, and to be able express my request without feeling the power to achieve it is held by someone else.
Ideas need edges
The ‘Be Do Have’ question pushes us to think outside the box, go beyond our limits, dream big, ask for everything, that the world is abundant and the Universe will provide.
And while all that might be true, the reality is that our neurology has been programmed to believe the opposite; that resources are finite, money is in short supply and only rich people can have all they desire.
One of the problems with the ‘what do you want to Be Do Have?’ question is that it’s so open ended. Ideas and creativity need edges, boundaries, some kind of container to allow thoughts to flow without our snide subconcious editing everything through a filter of low self worth and limiting beliefs.
Launch your rocketship
So one way to sidestep these beliefs and reverse engineer the former conditioning is to add a few edges to the original questions. Spend some time journalling on what it would look like to Be, Do, Have everything you wanted, if:
- You had all the time/money/energy/resources you needed?
- Your skills/abilities (lack of) didn’t matter?
- You had staff to do the domestic stuff/childcare/gardening/DIY?
- Money was no object?
- You lived in an imaginary fantasy world?
- You were a character in your favourite book/film/tv show?
- You could fly a plane, rocket, spaceship?
- You lived on the other side of the world/by the sea/up a mountain/in a remote forest?
Open your mind
This is an opportunity to open up your mind to the possibilities and scenarios that have no connections with your current life situation, your upbringing or conditioning. It’s about looking for clues, looking for what you love, or what you’d love to be different.
For example, if you designed a fantasy world where everything was exactly how you’d like your world to be, what stands out for you? Is it all about fairness, equality, lack of poverty? Do women rule the world? Have you achieved amazing success, written a book, been interviewed by Oprah? Have you got unimaginable wealth and luxury, or are you embracing a life of minimalism?
Now ask yourself ‘How can I achieve some of this into my current life?’
Asking ‘How can I make this happen?’ unleashes the power of our subconscious mind to start finding ways to bring our dreams about. Instead of immediately gatekeeping every idea with ‘I can’t afford it’ or ‘I don’t have time’ or ‘No one would buy that from me’, get out of your own way and take the lid off your life.
And if you need a little help to channel a bigger vibe, have a listen to Freddie Mercury. Feel alive, turn your world inside out and repeat after me – ‘Don’t Stop Me Now’!